In My Hands + Quote = This Post

"If fear alters behavior, you're already defeated,". -Brenda Hammond

This quote ties in perfectly with the novel "In My Hands", written by Irene
Gut Opdyke. In this compilation of memories of a Holocaust rescuer, the
faint and wavering line between being believed and getting caught is so
hard to grasp. Acting is everything: If you fail to cover yourself in a facade
of sorts, you are dead. Period. Imagine living your life wondering where
your family is and being forced to abide by the new motto: "We must
pretend to be German, so we could finally be Polish again," (Page 56). The
only way to survive is to feed off of hope and conceal your overwhelming
fear. This is how Irene Gut lived during the times that her land, Poland,
was in war. She straggled along, even by herself at times, surviving off of
hollow promises.

After she was captured, she escaped the hospital with some help from a
friend: "We were both looking at the X ray, doctor and nurse conferring
about a pacient. I breathed out slowly, as though I had been holding my
breath for days," (Page 44). She had to act as though nothing was different
about that day. Irene had to stifle her excitement and fear and worries. She
escaped recalling how she "... slipped through their net as easy as
smoke," (Page 45). It sounded like a dream. 

The next lie she was forced to live was that of another identity. For some
time Irene Gut went by the name Rachel and improved her German to stay
unsuspected. When caught and interrogated, she stayed calm and did not
let her nerves show how prevalent they really were. I found it amazing how
she deceived a Guard by leading him to her 'house' and then bolted away.
She was so brave; taking such an immense risk. If she had leaked her plans
of darting away for one second- she would have been punished and trapped.
One second, maybe less, that's all it would have taken. 

Later in the novel Irene sees Jews being slaughtered in the back of the
hotel/restaurant she is employed at. It must have been impossible to have to
hide that horrid scene. She was told to just forget it ever happened, and I bet
she wished she could. Later she witnesses another brutal scene where she
makes the repetitive statements: "But it was not a bird. It was not a bird.
It was not a bird," (Page 117). In this portion of the novel, Irene is talking
about a Nazi solider using a baby as a target- throwing it in the air and shooting
it in front of its mother. Horrible. I could not even begin to imagine the amount
of control she must have had and I can not believe that she and her friends found
safe shelter during this street massacre of sorts.

A touching scene in the novel that reminds me of the above quote by Brenda
Hammond, is when a husband is trying to console his questioning wife about where
they are to be taken, and Irene comments "He was trying to be brave for her, I could
see," (Page 91). It was so touching to see them try to help each other and stick
together through the chaos. If he had let her see his fear and concerns; she would
have lost any amount she had ever possessed. This is like how Irene tried to shield
her sister from the atrociousness of the war. At that time they had to be each
other’s backbones, their safety- even if it was only a false sense of it. It was
the best that they could do.

In addition, Irene's father warns her: "'You must not let this ruin your life.
God has plans for you'," to which Irene responds: "'I must believe that. But it
is very hard'," (Page 82). She was a very very brave woman who learned
how to keep her fears deep inside her, for this was the only safe place to have any.