A MODEST PROPOSAL: FOR LIMITING THE INCONVIENANCES OF TEXTING AND INSTEAD DEVELOPING A MUCH BETTER MODE OF COMMUNICATION

It is a horrific sight these days in classrooms: students not paying attention to their teachers but instead to their laps, where rests their cell phones. Every single moment of the school-day is now being used as what archaic times called ‘free time’. However, this state of perpetual ‘free time’ has rendered our youth permanently stuck in their our realities.

I think that it is within the same interest of the general population to say that this is sad and even disgusting. It is lowering our newer generations' attention spans and causing even more of a problem with both the education of these students and also that of the students around them. Therefore, if someone could create a decent solution, I do not see any adversaries to its apparent and copious possible benefits.

We should utilize the technology that we have at our disposal today rather than continue to dispose of it. I have an idea that will not only take advantage of our newest technologies, but that will also help us focus more on the kind of technology that will significantly aid our society. Instead of focusing on making the newest greatest phones that can even do your laundry; we can then be able to focus on governmental aims and societal betterment.

That is why I propose a newer mode of communication that, once all understand the improvements of it compared to current situations, will make all cell phones completely obsolete. It has been deemed the Italk, however, there is no actual talking required. It is a seamless way of getting one’s message across, literally, that only involves a slight injection that can be done at anytime in the buyer’s life with zero mal-effects. This doctor’s visit would involve a procedure that is simply a needle injection that inserts a chip the size of a piece of dust that can be placed anywhere on the body (and can be just as easily removed).

Some may be frightened of the safety of this procedure or even not see the benefits. There is absolutely nothing risky about the Italk’s installment. And the benefits? Endless.

The implementation of the Italk in society would destroy the lack of attention students currently possess in classrooms and also eliminate the inhibiting texting does to other students’ focus as well. There will be no more of those God-awful clicking and tapping sounds that texting produces. There will be no more patients in intensive care with arthritis in their exhausted thumbs and wrists. There will be no problems with forgetting someone’s number- every chip can be reached by the person’s name, but the person being called can choose whether or not they wish to receive that ‘call’. Additionally, RepeercWare can be purchased by parents, for a minimal fee. It is an additional feature that serves to limit who the child’s Italk can contact or even what hours they are permitted to actually use their Italk.

The way the Italk works is, after one receives the necessary implant (which is compatible with phones as well, in case the conversion process with the general public takes longer than desired) you simply think of who you’d like to contact, and think of the message you’d like to send. Then, as long as you are within this galaxy, your message will be instantly sent in your own voice. It’s like a traveling voicemail. It is always on, but in order to activate the sending message feature you must open a menu in your mind. No worries, it is fairly simple, so even members of the older generations can participate without the clumsiness of texting that they now face. Also, there are many other features on the Italk, including internal alarm clocks, voice recorders, and memo pads, bringing a whole new meaning to taking a ‘mental note’.

It will be fast. It will be more convenient. It will be durable in all weather (with no worries of dropping it or getting it wet, as one must be conscious of with cell phones). It will never fail. The Italk additionally serves as an important safety device. One can make instant calls to the police without their captors knowing, and there will be no way to disable the emergency function.

Some may oppose this new proposal because of their concerns with it being a more secretive way to not pay attention in class or an easier way to cheat during tests. Their opposition is without reason. The Italk will also be issuing a special switch that can be placed in all classrooms. This switch will deactivate all functions with exception to the emergency feature which, as mentioned before, cannot be tampered with. This specialized switch also comes in a sort of ‘net’ form. Schools can purchase this device that can be activated exactly where they want it to be, even choosing to allow accesses in bathrooms or only in a three foot circle in the middle of the auditorium. This will be controlled by a computer generated map that is run by a cd in which the user may drag the ‘net’ across (a blueprint of the school) the areas which they wish to be disconnected.

Sure, there will no longer be social competitions over whose cell phone can do more or is shinier, but it will leave modern society a lot healthier. The Italk has no SARS or any other adverse effects and, the best part, it forces the population to actually think again!

**From the makers of SmokeBubble [why would you stop smoking – when you can just put everyone else in a smoke-free bubble!]**